Indiana Homer and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
by Titanic Disaster
Summary: Parody of the first Indiana Jones film. An archaeologist named Homer Simpson must find the Ark of Toons before the Villains do.
1. The Temple

**Indiana Homer and the Raiders of the Lost Ark**

**Chapter 1**

**The Temple**

Outside at Toon Jungle, we see a man with yellow skin and a brown fedora and a brown leather jacket and a white shirt and brown pants and a bullwhip on the side of his belt walking. It was none other than Homer Simpson. He was holding a map, searching for the temple that's been about 500 years old.

TOON JUNGLE, 1936

The other guy walking with him was a man named Groundskeeper Willie. The other men with them are Vlad and Crocker.

"Dr. Simpson, are ya sure about this?" Willie asked in a Scottish accent. "Of course," Homer said.

Crocker was chopping vines until he saw the statue of Andross. The Zubats later fly out of Andross's mouth. Crocker screamed and ran away in fright as the Zubats went after him. Homer rolled his eyes in annoyance.

The archaeologists continued until they stopped and looked at what is sticking on the tree. Homer walked up to it and examines the dart he pulled from the tree and licks it but then spits. "Poison," Homer said. "The Wachootoos are near, and they might be following us," Willie said. "Ah, shut up," Homer said.

The three men later approached the river as Willie looked at the map. A teenager named Jack Spicer appears from behind the trees and points the gun at Homer. Homer heard a click, turned and drew his whip and grabbed Jack's gun. The whip yanked the gun out of Jack's hand and the gun fell to the lake. Jack panicked, turned and ran.

As they resumed walking, they find the temple. Homer said to Vlad, "Are you sure you'll be waiting for us to come out?" "Of course," Vlad said. "I hate to get trapped in this temple." They walked in.

Homer picked up a hanging torch and lit it. They walked through the tunnels. They walked through the tunnels until Homer stopped and grabbed Willie by the collar. "What the hell's your problem?" Willie said. "Look," Homer said. He reached his hand to the ray of light and spikes zipped out of the wall. What was on the spikes is a corpse. Willie freaked out. "Poor soul," Homer said.

The men continued to walk on. Then they stopped when they saw a gap. Homer saw the branch and had an idea as he snapped his fingers. Homer used the whip, grabbed the branch and swung it across. Then he passed it to Willie as he said, "Use this to swing across." Willie swings across too.

Homer picked up his whip and recoils it back to his belt and walked on until they saw the door that leads to the chamber.

As they approached the chamber, they saw the Golden Idol on the stand.

"Well, let's get it," Willie said. Before he makes a move, Homer grabbed Willie's collar again. "What are ya doing, ya collar grabbin' bitch?" Willie asked with a glare. "This is what scared me," Homer said. He picked up an unlit torch and pushed the pad on the floor down. Then an arrow shoots out and hits the torch.

"Stay here. I'll get the idol," Homer said. "If ye insist, Homer," Willie said.

Homer cautiously walks without stepping on the pads. Then he approached the stand where the Golden Idol stands. Homer examines it and grabs a bag full of sand out of his pocket. He hopes that the bag might match the weight of the idol.

Willie crosses his fingers in fear. Homer grabs the idol and places the bag to its stand. Willie felt relieved and smiled. But as Homer walks, the stand began to sink, making Willie's smile fade.

Perhaps the bag did not match the weight of the idol. Or perhaps the bag is not supposed to be on the stand?

Then the temple began to shake. Homer ran and this time steps on the pads, which makes the arrows shoot out. Homer and Willie ran out of the chamber.

Homer used the whip and, this time, lets Willie go first. Willie swung to the edge. The door was moving down. "Throw me the idol," Willie said. "Give me the whip," Homer said.

Willie looked at the moving door, and then looked at Homer. "There's no time to argue! Throw me the idol, and I'll give ya the whip," Willie said.

Homer threw the idol to Willie when he knew he had no choice. "Now, give me the whip," Homer demanded.

But Willie, with a smile, dropped the whip as he said, "Adios, sucker," and ran through the door.

Homer had been betrayed, but he did not give up. Homer ran to the gap and jumped, only to grab the edge. He climbed up, grabbed the whip and rolled through the door before it completely closed. Homer then sees Willie pierced by spikes. Seems like Willie had forgot about the trap. Homer them picked up the Golden Idol Willie dropped and placed it in a bag and said, "Adios."

Homer ran through the tunnel and, as he turned, he saw a boulder that is rolling down. Homer ran as fast as he could. He then rolled through the entrance before the boulder could squash him.

As Homer got up, he was surrounded by the Wachootoo tribe with arrows and spears. Homer then sees Vlad lying on the ground with arrows on his back. A man named Judge Doom walked to Homer. "Dr. Simpson," he said, "I do expect that you have the idol."

Homer points his gun at Doom to shoot him but the Wachootoos point the arrows and spears at them. Doom took Homer's gun away.

"You chose the wrong friends, doctor," Doom said, "and this time it may cost you. Give me the idol now." Homer then grabs the idol from the bag and gives it to Doom. "You're a sick bastard. Do you know that?" Homer said in anger. "Oh, get used to it, Dr. Simpson," Doom said with a smirk.

Doom lifts the idol in the air and said, "Shikaka," and the Wachootoos bowed down.

Homer ran away from the Wachootoos. "So long, suckers," he called out as he ran. Doom heard this and got angry. "After him!" he shouted to the Wachootoos. The Wachootoos ran after Homer.

Doom looked at the idol and laughed maniacally. The laugh echoed as Homer ran through the woods with the Wachootoos chasing him.

Homer then saw the lake. There was a plane floating on the lake. A man named Peter Griffin was looking at the water until he heard Homer yelling, "Peter! Start the plane!"

Peter climbed to the plane and starts the engines. Homer jumped and grabbed the vines and swings to the lake. The Wachootoos throw spears and shoot arrows at him but miss.

Homer swam to the plane and climbs aboard. Peter lifts the plane up into the sky.

Then Homer felt something smooth. He looked down and freaked out. The reason? There was a snake in the plane. "Hey! There's a big snake in the plane, Peter!" Homer yelled. "Oh, that's just my pet snake, Kyle," Peter smiled. "I hate snakes, jackass! I hate them!" Homer screamed in anger. "Come on. Show a little backbone, will ya?" Peter chuckled. Then the plane flies away from Toon Jungle.

Homer had failed to retrieve the idol because of Judge Doom, but he luckily made it out of the jungle.


	2. The Ark of Toons

**Chapter 2**

**The Ark of Toons**

At the Toon College at Toon Town, Homer, now in a blue suite and blue pants, teaches his class in archaeology. The students were bored. "Neolithic," Homer said as he wrote the word on the chalkboard. "It's also called the New Stone Age. It contains a passageway and three chambers."

In the hall, a man named Professor Utonium walks down the hall to Homer's class. Utonium later went in Homer's class. "This site also demonstrates…" Homer continued but paused when he saw Utonium. "…one of the great dangers of archaeology."

A girl named Juniper Lee has a love look. Whenever she bats her eyes, the words "love" and "you" are seen on her eyelids. Homer was a little terrified at a moment. Then the bell rang.

"Any questions?" Homer asked. Nobody had a question. "All right. That's enough for today. Remember, chapters 4 and 5 for tomorrow. I will be in my office in a few weeks." Then the students left the classroom.

Utonium approached in Homer's desk. "I had it, professor. I had it in my hand," Homer said, referring to what happened yesterday at Toon Jungle.

"And what happened, Dr. Simpson?" Utonium asked.

"Guess."

"Dr. Doom was there, huh?"

"Yeah, and I failed to retrieve it because of him."

"Dr. Simpson, the other archaeologists need you at the auditorium." Then Homer followed Utonium to the auditorium.

In the auditorium, three archaeologists named Dexter, Yugi and Will Turner were chatting until Homer and Utonium came in. "Dr. Simpson," Yugi said, "we knew you'd come here." "You know I had to," Homer smiled. "Homer, understand that this is strictly confidential," Will said. "Yes, Mr. Turner," Homer said.

"Okay. Yesterday morning, the Toon Army intercepted the Villain communication sent from Agrabah to the Villain Base." "We've got information, but we can't do the job, but you can," Dexter said. Will took a sheet from his shirt and said, "Here this is. Tannis Development. You need a headpiece for the Staff of Ra, and locate the Arabian Chamber at Agrabah."

Homer was surprised. "The Villains discovered it," Homer said.

"And what does that tell you, Dr. Simpson?"

"According to the Bible my father read, Tannis is an ancient city where the Ark of Toons was buried."

"The Ark of Toons?" Yugi asked.

"Yes. It's a yellow chest," Homer said. "They use it to carry the Toon Commandments."

"Toon Commandments?" Dexter asked.

"Yes. According to what my father read from the history book, the Ark of Toons was built by the king of toons named King Toon."

"So, where could the ark be at, doctor?" Yugi asked.

"I'm not finished," Homer said. "King Toon ordered the guards to bury the Ark of Toons in a dark, secret chamber called the Well of Darkness, which is about four miles from Agrabah."

"Hmm. Then I guess we've found the right men," Will said.

"Not quite. The Staff of Ra is like a big stick," Homer said as he showed the archaeologists the Staff of Ra on the board. "The Staff of Ra shall be placed in a hole, and when the ray from the sun shines through the jewel piece on the headpiece of the staff, the ray of light will show the location of the Well of Darkness."

"Where the Ark of Toons was buried," Yugi said. "Exactly," Homer said. "That's what the Villains wanted." "What does the Ark of Toons look like?" Will asked. "I though you never ask," Homer said.

Homer opened the book to show the image of the Ark of Toons on page 61 to the archaeologists. The image show the Ark of Toons carried by two men. It was said to be carried by two black poles with orange handles on them through the hoops.

Homer shows the next image on page 64. It shows the Ark of Toons opened; fire popping out, and rays zapping at other men.

"My God," Will said. "Yes. That's what they think," Homer said. "What's coming out of the Ark of Toons?" Dexter asked. "I don't know. Lightning, fire…the power of Toons," Homer said. "Homer, it looks like you have a quest to begin," Yugi said. The archaeologists were worried that if they find it, the Villains will be invincible.

Later at night in Toon Town, Utonium and Homer arrived at Homer's home. They walked in. "What do they say, professor?" Homer asked. Utonium looked at him and smiled. "They want you to go for it, doc," Utonium said. Homer laughed. "That's great," he said. They chose him to find the ark. "They said that you must find the ark before the Villains do."

Homer walked to the fridge and takes a can of beer out. It was called Duff. "The Ark of Toons. Man, that thing will change our lives," Homer said after he drank his beer.

Homer then walked to his suitcase and started packing. He puts his bullwhip and some clothes and First Aid packs. "Dr. Simpson, you might wanna be careful as you search for the Ark of Toons," Utonium said. "Huh? What do you mean?" Homer asked.

"It's been nearly 1500 years ago since they search for the lost ark and never found it. Nobody knew its secrets. I mean, it's like something you've not been to before."

Homer paused for a few seconds until he started laughing. "Professor, what in God's name are you trying to do, scare me? You almost sound like my father. You're my friend." Homer then picked up something covered in cloth. "Believe me. I'm going to find that ark and no one's gonna stop me. Not even the Villains." Homer unwraps the cloth to reveal a .44 magnum. "Plus, I'm a cautious guy."

The next morning at the airport at Toon Town, Homer arrived at the plane with his fedora on while holding on his suitcase. A pilot named Dave Seville greeted the passengers who come aboard the pilot. He saw Homer and smiled. "Great to see you, Homer," he said. "Thank you," Homer said.

Homer stepped aboard the plane and chooses a seat. However, once he sat on his seat, someone poked his eyes from the magazine he was reading. It was a man with yellow skin and red hair. It was Sideshow Bob, the leader of the Villains. Homer covered his face with his fedora and slept.


	3. The Bar Fight

**Chapter 3**

**The Bar Fight**

At Viridian City in a bar, we see some people sitting at tables and some dancing on the dance floor as music plays.

At the table, we see a woman with yellow skin and blue hair. She is none other than Marge Simpson, an owner of the bar and Homer's lover. She was serving people drinks.

She asked a question to a girl named Kiki, "What can I get for you?" "A bottle of water," Kiki said. "Coming right up," Marge said. Then she gave the bottle to Kiki. "Thank you," Kiki smiled as she walked away.

Then, when the music stopped, people who danced stopped dancing and walked back to their tables.

When it was midnight, people left the bar and Marge had to clean up the mess.

Later, Marge suddenly saw a shadow until she heard a voice. "Hello, Marge." Marge turned around after hearing a voice. It was Homer in his leather jacket, a whip, and a .44 magnum in its holster and his hat.

Marge smiled. "Homer. I knew you'll see me again," she said. "So what are you doing here? Asking me to hang out like teenagers?"

"Actually, Marge, I just needed one of your pieces," Homer said, folding his arms. Marge punched Homer in the cheek. "Was that a proper way to treat a woman like that, Homer Simpson?" she asked angrily.

"No, Marge."

"I didn't think so. We've been in love for years ever since we're teenagers."

"I know, Marge. I mean, you don't know what you're doing."

"For your information, I do! Now, beat it!"

"Marge, I do what I do for real. I thought I don't expect you to be happy about it, but maybe we can do each other if we can. Besides, I'm looking for a piece. The one that is bronze with a jewel piece on it." Marge ignored what Homer said and walked to the tray. "Do you ever know what you did to me?"

"I don't know. But someday, we might wanna…think about it for a week," Homer said. This caused Marge to swing the tray across the right side Homer's head. "D'oh!" "You are pissing me off," Marge said.

Homer rubbed the side of his head. "Marge, I just need the piece I'm looking for. Do you know where it is?" he said.

"I don't know where it is," Marge lied. "Well, one day, you will know," Homer said. "Just go, Homer," Marge said. Homer walked out of the bar.

It might be impossible for Homer to locate the Ark of Toons without the headpiece for the Staff of Ra.

When Homer left, Marge pulled out something from her shirt and looked at the same headpiece Homer was talking about before he left. Then she saw shadows and hid the headpiece.

Sideshow Bob, Percival McLeach, Jasper, Horace, Mr. Snoops, Jack Spicer, who failed to kill Homer back in Toon Jungle, and Snake entered the bar.

"The bar's closed. Go away," Marge said. "Actually, we're…not thirsty," Bob said.

"Well, what do you guys want?"

"The same thing your friend Dr. Simpson needed. I just hope that he has not yet required it."

"Are you willing to offer me?"

"Almost certainly, madam. Do you have it?" This caused Marge to slap him in the face.

"No," Marge said, "but I do know where it is."

Bob walked to the fire and said, "Your fire may be dying, madam. Why don't you tell us where it is?" "Nobody tells me what to do," Marge protested.

Bob smirked and said, "Well, I have ways of making you talk." He picked up the poker, which had its tip glowing orange by the fire. Then he said to Jasper and Horace, "Jasper! Horace!" Jasper and Horace grabbed Marge's arms and dragged her to Bob.

"Let me go, you monsters!" Marge shouted. Bob walked to her with a poker in his hand. Marge noticed this and said, "No! Don't! I'll do anything for you!"

"Tell me. Where's that damn piece?" Bob asked. "Stop! I'll do anything! Please!" Marge begged. "I know you will," Bob smiled evilly, holding the poker closer to Marge.

Just before Bob can hurt Marge, a whip grabbed the poker and yanked it out of Bob's hand and the poker landed beside the bar curtains. They turned and saw Homer with a mad look. "Let her go!" he shouted. The poker set the curtains on fire.

Sideshow Bob dragged Marge to the table as the men fired their guns. Homer fired his gun at Jack but missed. Homer ran behind a pillar and fired his gun at Bob's minions. Bob's minions fired back.

Homer aimed his gun at Snake and shot him in the chest, killing him. Marge watched the fight while staying down behind the table. Mr. Snoops fires his gun until he's out of ammo. Jack passed ammo to Mr. Snoops. "Thanks," Mr. Snoops said as he reloads.

Homer fires his gun at Jasper and Horace but soon ran out of ammo. Homer reloaded his gun and resumed shooting.

Percival sneaks up behind Homer and bonks him in the head. He dragged Homer to the table and pinned him down. Homer could not free himself.

"Marge, the bottle," Homer said to Marge, pointing at the bottle of whisky.

Marge passed the bottle to Homer, and Homer bashed Percival in the head with it, thus forcing Percival to let go. The fire soon spread around the bar. Horace stood at Homer and pointed his gun at Homer.

Homer kicked Horace to the table, which sends the headpiece flying near the fire. Soon, Homer killed Horace and Mr. Snoops. Jack managed to retreat by running out of the bar, which angers Bob.

"That cowardly son of a bitch," Bob growled.

Of course, Bob had to get the headpiece. He ran to it and picked it up, but when he did, he screamed in pain because the headpiece was hot. Bob ran outside and placed his hand in the snow to cool the temperature down.

Homer was face to face with Jasper. He pointed his gun at Homer's chest. A shot rang out, and Homer yelped to see if the bullet had hit him, but the bullet did not hit him. Homer then saw blood coming out of Jasper's mouth. Jasper fells to the floor, revealing Marge with a gun in her hand. Marge had saved Homer's life!

The bar starts to burn down, and Marge picked up the headpiece with a piece of cloth and ran outside with Homer. Homer and Marge watch as the fire burns the bar down.

"Well, Homer, I'm surprised you haven't forgotten how to show a woman a good time," Marge said. "Boy, you're really something, Marge," Homer said. "Tell you what, Homer! I was wrong about you. I never know who you are until right now. I am now your goddamn partner!" Marge cried, holding the headpiece in her hand. Homer finally has a partner.

Now Homer will find the Ark of Toons before the Villains do!


End file.
